


Love Sick

by CMDAK



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, M/M, Possessive James Bond, Protective Bill Tanner, Sick Q, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-06
Updated: 2015-06-08
Packaged: 2018-04-03 03:33:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4085131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CMDAK/pseuds/CMDAK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James gets back from a mission and learns that Q is out with a cold. He happily decides to play nurse for the young man, much to Tanner's desperation and annoyance. But James is really horrible at making himself understood and Q is a genius when it comes to computers, not people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is, just like everything else I wrote, an accident. 
> 
> Please enjoy and forgive any and all mistakes.

007 waltzed into the MI6 headquarters with his arms full of all sorts of treats and teas, skilfully dodging Eve that had surely been sent to drag him to M’s office by his ears. If he would normally love to do the little verbal tango with the woman after which he’d cha-cha his way out of a being beheaded by the dragon known as M, but he was currently too busy trying to complete the extremely dangerous mission of calming down his Quartermaster long enough to wave a little tale that perfectly explained why he simply had to lose his equipment.

 

James decided that he might as well explain to the young quartermaster why it wasn’t the best idea to suddenly turn the coms off while an agent was in the middle of a mission and then let his second in command take over without a single explanation. He would have liked to tease Q about acting so childish that he earned at least three new spots – and then offer to check the rest of his body and make sure it was just those three – but this had been the first time Q got so angry that he cut the feed.

 

“Maybe I should have also bought him some cardigans. Cashmere ones.”

 

He so hated when the younger man was upset with him, but at the same time he was never patient enough to find ways around certain obstacles and if getting from point A to point B without having to go through a C or a D meant that he had to rig his fancy little toys to explode, then let things go boom. Only problem was that Q, spot covered, innocent looking, tea loving, green-eyed wonder and witty genius little Q, did not see things the same way as the agent and tended to treat him with the cold shoulder between three days to four weeks, depending on how sensitive and expensive the destroyed equipment was.

 

“007, what are you doing here?” Was the greeting he got from R who was, for some strange and unknown reason, sitting in Q’s usual spot in the middle of the room, directing 006’s extraction mission. “I thought Eve was supposed to take you directly to M’s office,” the young woman continued to stutter, her eyes darting around the room, asking for help.

 

Up until she saw him, R had been relaxed and even exchanged a few jokes with the agent, but the moment their eyes met, she suddenly tensed and her face lost the healthy pink tint that Q never had. Even the minions had stopped from their furious typing and abandoned their cups of tea and coffee in favour of turning to stare with fearful eyes at the double oh agent, some of them hovering over the panic buttons they all had under their desks.

 

“What happened to Q?” James asked in a deadly calm and low voice, throwing everything he had in his hands in the general direction of a nameless minion. “Why are you sitting in the Quartermaster’s place?”

 

In a moment of pure panic, James grabbed the woman’s cup of tea to smell it and make sure she wasn’t drinking Q’s private stash another minion stepping from the shadows to show him that Q’s scrabble mug was still there and in one piece.

 

“007, I think you need to take a few deep breaths and calm down,” R started, doing her best to stare the man down and not let the fear she felt be reflected in her voice - for which, on a subconscious level, James respected her for. He was, after all, the most unstable agent from the double oh department and many MI6 jumped out of his way when his blue eyes held the promise of a powerful and devastating storm.

 

Everyone knew that the infamous 007 had feelings for his Quartermaster – except for the man himself, but then again, Q was kind of thick when it came to normal human interactions – and almost everyone had placed a bet on when James would finally grow frustrated with his apparent subtlety and simply snog the man until he got the point.

 

They weren’t sure that James wanted something more than to roll around once with the young genius in his bed, but as time progressed and the agent didn’t stop his flirting with him but did with everyone else and constantly brought back all sorts of little trinkets from his mission, they knew.

 

There had also been that one incident which ended with 009 in Medical with a broken jaw, leg and arm because he had dared to imply Q had slept his way through his position after having one too many drinks – the agent apologized after he sobered up and the doctor said that it was okay for him to speak and although Q said he forgave him for his words, the man still had problems with his cards and credit every now and then.

 

“And I think you should answer my question and tell me where my Quartermaster is before I lose my temper, R.” James said between gritted teeth, looking like he was a second away from grabbing the nearest person and bashing their head against a desk until he was given the information he wanted.

 

That was the huge downside to someone like Bond liking – maybe even loving, but no one dared to say that word – someone. They were incredibly overprotective, possessive and if they though some kind of ill had befallen the person that held their heart captive, hell was only a wrong word away.

 

R, to her credit, held her ground and glared right back at the agent, telling herself that she shouldn’t show any kind of weakness. “You are crossing the line, agent,” she said in a pale attempt to sound just like Q was he was really pissed off and not in the mood to deal with 007’s childish antics.

 

“Your voice shook on the most important word and you keep glancing behind me, checking to see if the Calvary arrived yet or not.” He turned towards the door just in time to see M come through it, arms actually shaking by her sides in pure rage. “I’ll leave boffin central the moment they tell me where their leader is.”

 

No one would have blamed M if she slapped some sense back into Bond – actually, they would have started clapping. However, she was the head of MI6, she was better at controlling her feelings and emotions than the agent fuming like a grounded seventeen year old and her 9 mm Browning Hi Power would do a better job at teaching him a lesson or thirteen.

 

“You must have gotten clonked over that thick head of yours on your way in if you actually think anyone would reveal anything regarding a high-ranking MI6 operative to an unstable and very dangerous agent.” She nudged her head and Q-branch sprung to life once more, the boffins giving their full attentions to the tasks at hand.

 

M turned her back to the agent and started to walk, knowing fully well that the man would follow her quickly once he realized that only she could give her the answer he sought. And sure enough, the man walked into her office not a second after her, slamming the door shut in Eve’s nose.

 

“You are put on a two weeks mandatory leave that will go into effect as soon as we finish talking. And I was sure you knew that double oh agents are not to use their licence to kill on their MI6 colleagues, Bond.” She poured herself a glass of whiskey because whenever Bond was involved, she needed something strong.

 

“I wasn’t going to…”

 

“Agents who do are considered to have defected and are added to our ‘Wanted’ list, as you well known.” The woman interrupted Bond and slapped his hands away from the whiskey bottle, quickly locking it in the liquor cabinet she had in her office. “And because I am a busy woman and I have no time to dance with you, I will tell you that the quartermaster collapsed while he was on the coms with you due to a combination between severe exhaustion and an untreated cold, R taking over for him.”

 

James was out of her office and leaning on Eve’s desk as soon as M finished her sentence, charm turned on to the max as he tried to coax the former agent into revealing where the quartermaster lived.

 

“Get off my papers, Bond.” Eve said without looking away from her computer screen. “And no, I will not help you with anything so you can drop it even before you start it.”

 

“You wound me so much, Miss Moneypenny. I simply want to thank him for all the help he’s given me, especially during the Skyfall incident since he put his job on the line by trusting my words and going along with my plans.”

 

Eve managed to resist him for a full hour before she finally gave in and gave him the address, the man almost running out of her office. “I promise that I will get Q to modify your Jimmy Choo shoes into guns after I nurse him back to health.” With a wink, he was out of her office, the woman chocking on her own laughter when her brain finally caught up with what he had said.

 

“Nurse him back to…Bond, wait!” She jumped from her chair and ran down the hallways to the parking lot, yelling after him. “Don’t stress him more than he already is, you hear me? I won’t miss any vital organs this time if you upset him!”

 

He parked his car under the watchful gazes of everyone on the street, some even walking up to him and asking him if he, perhaps, had gotten the wrong address because there was no way a man with an Aston Martin had any business in that neighbourhood.

 

But James ignored everyone, too busy to glare at the apartment building, wondering just how much money Q made. The man had a posh accent and an expensive taste for tea and clothes, so it made no sense for him to have an apartment in the rundown part of town. Was there even possible for a high ranking MI6 official to be allowed to have an apartment in a building that looked like it was a breeze away from falling down?

 

At least the door was sturdy enough to still be in one piece after James knocked on it for five minutes straight and if he was to go by the sound the locks made as it was being opened it could almost rival a safe.

 

“What are you doing here, James? Came to beg for mercy after terrifying my beloved minions?” Q asked in a weak voice after opening the door, holding on to a thick blanket that was wrapped around him as if his life depended on it.

 

“That explains why I caught every red light on my way here.” James easily pushed past the sick man and allowed himself inside his apartment, giving the cluttered place a once over as the locks popped back into place. “You look like total crap and I am here to make sure that my favourite quartermaster lives to see another day.”

 

Q might have wanted to chuckle, but instead ended up coughing for a solid three minutes, James leading him to sit on a sofa and kneeling in front of him, checking his temperature and frowning at how hot the man felt under his touch. “Your only quartermaster and if you keep insulting the way I look, I will make sure your cards get rejected even when you try to buy a piece of gum” Q wheezed out, shivering and moving to lie down on the sofa. The world was spinning too fast for his tastes.

 

“I am terrified to hear that, Q, especially since you are dressed in the clothes you do the most damage in, namely your pyjamas.” The agent got up and started to search for whatever medicine the young man was supposed to take. “Where are the pills Medical gave you, Q? I can’t find anything in this place despite how small and cluttered it is. I think I can fit your whole apartment in my service bathroom.”

 

Q went through another coughing fit and Bond was by his side instantly, hands hovering around the young man since he wasn’t sure there was anything he could do to make him feel better. “On a table in my bedroom and if your lordship doesn’t like my apartment, then you are free to go back to your large castle.” He moaned in pain and burrowed in his blanket until James couldn’t see anything but his hair and continued to shiver.

 

It took the agent a few minutes to actually find the pills and bottles of syrup that were hidden under blueprints and pizza boxes, noting that they appeared to be untouched. “Medical gave them to you to take them Q, not preserve them for all eternity.”

 

Q opened his mouth to point out just how big of a hypocrite Bond was, intending to remind him that not two months ago he had to personally drag him down to medical and then sit with him so the doctor could stitch him back together, but the agent used that opportunity to shove a plastic spoon that was filled with a sickeningly sweet, thick liquid.

 

He tried to spit it out, but James put one of his hands over his mouth and used the other one to plug his nose, forcing Q to swallow. “Medicine first, scolding me later, Q. Go back to bed and I’ll make you some tea. Did you eat anything?” James pulled Q up from the sofa and pushed him in the direction of the bedroom, waiting for him to get into bed before he pulled the blankets around him and creating a cocoon.

 

Q didn’t really have to answer for James to know the truth and the man instantly disappeared into the kitchen to boil some water and ask Eve to send someone with food that a sick man could eat. When he came back to the bedroom not ten minutes later, Q was fast asleep and no matter how much the agent wanted the man to get his rest, he still had to wake him up and get him to take his pills.

 

“What did you do this time, James?” Q asked confusedly, allowing the man to put the pills in his mouth and tilt his head back a bit to wash them down with the tea. “You know I like Earl Grey.” He scrunched up his nose in an adorable way and tried to turn his head away from the insulting – in his sick mind, at least- chamomile tea, but the agent didn’t let him until he drank it all.

 

“Black tea keeps you up. This one helps you sleep. When you get better, you can drink all the Early Grey in the world.” He promised in a soft whisper as he ran his hand through Q’s tangled and damp hair.

 

“If you keep this promise as best as you keep the ones about returning your equipment and yourself in one piece…” He broke off and yawned, rubbing his face without realizing it against James’ large and rough hand. “Then I shan’t see a single drop of that tea.”

 

The pills must have been extra strong because as soon as he finished that sentence, Q was fast asleep, snoring a bit. James stared for a few minutes at the sleeping man before reminding himself that it wasn’t the sanest thing to do and got busy with cleaning the apartment a bit – and snooping around to find out more about the man.

 

He had settled on the sofa with a book about some strange doctor that didn’t actually tended to any patients and travelled the universe in a police box – and realized why he constantly saw Q tinker with a screwdriver – when he heard someone trying to open the door. He reached for his gun only to remember that it was resting on the bottom of the Seine and he cussed as he picked up a lamp and got ready to face the intruder.

 

“Quirino, I thought I told you to t—Bond?”

 

James was very proud of how well he controlled himself, the man years he had spent in the field making it quite easy for him to stop himself mid attack because he was quite sure M would have his head if her Chief of Staff ended up in the hospital because of him. “Tanner? What are you doing here?” Well, at least he now understood why it sounded like the ‘intruder’ had keys, but was still in the dark as to why Tanner had them.

 

Both men stared awkwardly at each other, Bill Tanner with bags full of fresh food as well as take out and James holding the lamp above his head, until a weak sneeze came from the bedroom followed by a sleepy and confused Q.

 

“Your name is Quirino?” James asked amusedly, abandoning his makeshift weapon to put his arms around the quartermaster and help him sit down on the sofa while Tanner seemed to have turned into a statue.

 

“You are to never utter that name again, James” Q ordered, bringing his hand close to the agent’s face and pinching his cheeks, brows knitting in concentration. “And you’re really here? I thought earlier was a fever induced hallucination.”

 

James chuckled and brought the blankets out of the bedroom to put them around Q, winking at him. “I feel honoured that you would choose me as your hallucination, darling Quirino.”

 

Tanner came back to life when he heard the man’s pet name for the sick man and deposited the heavy bags as loudly as he could, bringing the attention back to him. “What in God’s name are you doing in his apartment, agent?” Tanner looked between the two men, rubbing his temples. “Please don’t tell me you slept with my nephew,” he started to beg, Q instantly starting to cough and James going over what he heard a couple of times in his mind.

 

“The Quartermaster is…your nephew?” That would explain why the Chief of Staff had looked at him like he had just caught him in bed with his wife, why he had keys to the apartment and why he knew Q’s real name – and he thanked God for the family relation between the two because, for a moment, he had been afraid that the two had a secret affair.

 

“Never you mind what Quirino is to me, just answer the bloody question before I throttle you where you stand.” He regretted raising his voice when the younger man groaned and tried to cover his head with his blanket.

 

“I would like to see you try to even get close to my throat, old man.” James challenged in a whisper.

 

“I’m a walking mucus factory so I can assure you that James did not sleep with me…”

 

“Why are you calling him James?” Tanner turned his glare to the agent, hands forming into fists by his sides. “Why is he calling you James? Did you corrupt my nephew? If you touched him, you’ll find yourself wielding a mop instead of a gun.” What was with everyone threatening him to turn him into a janitor today?

 

Before James could open his mouth to further annoy Tanner, Q decided that he had enough of their strange bickering and in with one huge effort on his part he jumped to his feet and began to push his uncle out of the apartment. “Send Eve my thanks for the food and please keep in mind I am mature enough to sleep with whoever I want even if that person is Bond.”

 

“I am right here and I am pretty sure I should feel more insulted than I am,” James quipped from right behind Q, hands hovering by his sides just in case the man ran out of energy and collapsed.

 

Q took a deep sigh and covered his face with his hand, thinking about also throwing Bond out of his apartment. “This brings me to you, Bond.” The air was suddenly sucked out of his lungs and the world turned just a tad darker than before, the agent’s arms wrapping themselves around him, keeping frim from falling to the ground.

 

He hated it so much when he got sick because it got in the way of everything and he really wished there could be a way to transfer his consciousness to a robot or to a hard drive so he could still function properly while giving his body enough time to recover. It would make things so much easier for everyone, not to mention he would never have to feel as weak as he had when he woke up and saw almost all his superiors hovering above him with worried expressions on their faces.

 

“Try to relax and breathe in slowly, Q. I got you, don’t worry. I’ll always have you.” The agent placed his lips over Q’s and tried to help him breathe while Bill watched the whole scene with uncertainty.

 

He understood what James was trying to do, but it was still quite awkward to watch the older man who had half of the world warm his bed practically make out with his nephew who he had raised as if he was his own son. “Maybe we should call Medical and have Q moved there.”

 

James broke the almost-kiss, making a note of the little noise that came from Q and the way the man dug his fingers harder in his arms as if he was scolding him for stopping - and this was one thing he did not mind being chewed on by the younger man. “I’ll make sure he takes all his pills and if he gets worse, I’ll personally take him to Medical.” He pushed Tanner out the door, pushing a pair of keys in his hands. “I’m sure you know where I live so please bring me a few changes of clothes. Keep the Aston Martin until Q gets better.”

 

Tanner blinked a couple of times, not ready to believe that he had been kicked out of his nephew’s apartment by MI6’s own Casanova and on top of that, it seemed that he had been demoted from the Chief of Staff to the agent’s lackey. He was tempted to start kicking the door and the man leave with him, but decided against it only because he did not want to stress Q more than he already was.

 

Tanner’s revenge instead was to run as many red lights as he could and spent three hours in 007’s apartment, searching for the most horrible clothes he could find. He’ll be damned if he gave the man the ammo needed to make his innocent, little and naive Quirino get in bed with him - and that cold voice in his head that sounded just like Q when he was annoyed beyond reason could shove off and not correct his description of the child he carried on his shoulders.

 

But James didn’t seem to mind the clothes he brought him, looking in the bag before giving Tanner one of those amazing smile of his that made every woman in the room swoon over him, thanking him. “Q’s fell asleep as soon as you left and his fever went down a bit. I think he needs to sleep as much as he can,” James whispered, placing his fingers over his lips to keep the other man silent.

 

“Which he’ll get if a certain someone doesn’t bother him,” Tanner grumbled, giving the apartment a quick tour before poking his head in the bedroom and personally checking Q’s temperature - and also making sure that Bond was indeed sitting in the sofa like the can of beer and Dr Who novel indicated and not in bed next to the defenceless quartermaster.

 

Satisfied - and also called back to the MI6 headquarters by Miss Moneypenny to fix a mix up of some sorts, James looking a tad too smug as he played with his own phone - Tanner gave the agent one nasty look before leaving the apartment, promising to check in on them soon.

 

“Feel free to give me a call first so I can prepare a cup of tea for you.” He made sure the door was thoroughly locked and listened to the man’s reluctant steps fade away before changing in the grey sweatpants and a faded black t-shirt, quickly sneaking into Q’s room when he though he had heard a noise.

 

The lanky man somehow managed to make himself into a tiny cocoon, with only the top of his head poked out and James finally gave into his urges and placed a small and chaste kiss on Q’s sweaty forehead.

 

“You’ll get my cold, James” Q croaked out, weakly trying to push the man’s face away from his. “Or are you so sure of yourself that you don’t think a cold of all things could get you?” he tried to laugh, but his throat felt like he had just swallowed a thousand knives.

 

Saint James - as Q’s sick mind decided to call the man for the time being, upgrading him from bloody double oh agent who blows up all of my hard work, but that stupid smile of his and the blue eyes secretly make my knees go weak so I let him get away with it far too often - sat next to him and, after helping him to lean against his chest, held a warm cup of tea to his lips.

 

“Everything you gave me so far has saved my life, Q.” He moved closer to him and Q closed his eyes - due to his headache, not because he thought he was going to get kissed - and gently started to blow in the tea. “It might be a bit too hot for you to drink right now, Quartermaster.”

 

Q tried to pinch the man’s nipple hard for, but fell asleep before he could, hand over James’ chest. The agent sat still with the cup of tea in his hand for as long as he could, eventually giving up and putting it on the ground and laying down in bed, pulling the blankets tighter around the still shivering man in his arms and spooning him.

 

He was startled awake when the immense heat suddenly disappeared from his chest and blindly felt around for the gun he had under his pillow in his own apartment before remembering where he was. “Q? What are you doing?”

 

“The water in this pool is too hot.” He explained and pulled the shirt over his head, tossing it on the other side of the room. “Experiment failed. Clothes still got wet. R, make sure to send me the results via e-mail when I get home and mark it as ‘High Priority’,” He continued to mumble, struggling to take his pants off before James realized what he was doing and put a stop to it.

 

James’ hands were being battered at and Q was making all sorts of noises, trying to get the man to let him undress himself which the agent couldn’t allow because he really wanted to live beyond when the young man got better. “Quartermaster, do you really think it is okay for you to undress in front of R?” He tried, and sighed in relief when the man stopped moving.

 

“It wouldn’t be the first time.” And Q was back to trying to get his pants off, James needed a second for his brain to start working properly again to continue to wrestle the piece of clothing back on – which was a first for 007, the man often struggling to get clothes off of people in the heat of the moment instead of keeping his bed partners dressed.

 

And let no one say that Q wasn’t strong because by the time the man fully went back to sleep, James was resting with his head over the man’s legs, almost panting. “How is it that I can see your ribs, but if there was a hand to hand fight between you and a recently promoted double oh agent, I’d put my money on you?”

 

His answer was a knee to his face when Q turned on his side and tried to make himself small again as the cold resulting from his sickness was making its way back in his bones. So James threw the covers back over the man to keep him warm while he went to get a bowl filled with lukewarm water and a new set of clothes to try and make Q feel as comfortable as possible.

 

He washed him carefully and slowly, taking his time with putting the new shirt but actually closing his eyes and moved as fast as he could when it came to the pants – again, a first for the agent, since he usually enjoyed sitting back and drinking in the sight of the naked bodies that undulated to unheard songs meant to make him crave contact.

 

It wasn’t that he actually respected the man’s privacy or personal space, but he wanted the other man to be conscious and caught when he was stealing a glance or two. “R is a lucky lady, isn’t she?” He asked in a sour voice once the deed was done, already trying to think of a way to steal Q from her.

 

There was nothing inherently wrong with the woman and the agent liked her well enough when she wasn’t blocking his attempts at breathing in the same air as Q. Actually she was probably the best thing to happy to Q since they both worked in the same field, almost the same hours and she understood his language. But James was a greedy, selfish old man that wanted to show his quartermaster true pleasure heaven and adore, worship and love him until his last breath left his lungs.

 

Of course there was the problem of Q falling in love with him and suffering after his death, but by then James would have managed to get Eve on his side, stop her from trying to fill his body with holes every time she saw him – because the woman fancied herself as a sort of a big sister to the scrawny genius- and charge the woman with finding a suitable person that was really worthy of the young quartermaster’s deep affection.

 

Q moved in his sleep again and wrapped his long limbs around James, smiling and muttering something that was completely lost on the agent. This was a pleasant way to fall asleep, the older man decided, kissing the slightly red nose before using one of the many nifty things he learned as both a naval officer and double oh agent and he was dead to the world in a matter of minutes.

 

Something not dangerously sharp insistently poking his side was slowly bringing him back to the real world. “Agent Bond, I really need to go to the bathroom, so I would be more than grateful to you and maybe go as far as to forgive that you ruined expensive equipment that might have been a prototype while out on your newest mission, as long as you move and let me go.” Q dictated in his ear.

 

“Sorry, Quartermaster, but I am afraid I will not let you go until your plump red lips, ravished by your fever move to word out that you fully forgive me for being a bit too pushy with your lady friend.” James rolled over and trapped Q even better between the mattress and himself, regretting it when the young man planted a well-aimed knee to his groin area.

 

Crawling painfully slow from under the agent and wiggling in a teasing manner that even strippers would be jealous of, Q jumped out of the bed and quickly made his way to the bathroom. “I have no idea to what lady friend you are referring to.” James leaned against the weak door that separated them, listening to the running water. “Unless you are talking about how you were a complete and utter arse to R yesterday when she was only doing what every boffin is instructed to do and protect their overlord from a potentially dangerous and insane agent.”

 

James pulled the door open and leaned against the doorframe, crossing his hands over his chest. “Last night you said she saw you naked. I don’t let just anyone see me naked.”

 

An arched eyebrow and green eyes sparkling with mischief would definitely be one of the reasons why he would end up jumping the man. “Funny, I was under the impression that you let everybody see you naked.” Q pushed past James, hand suddenly grabbing the edge of the door as a wave of dizziness washed over him, shooing the agent away before he could try to help him. “Anyway, almost all of my minions have seen me naked since we share a bloody changing room.”

 

“If that is the case, then M shall find my request for a department transfer as soon as you are well enough scold me without needed the kiss of life after only a few rods.” He was hoping to see the younger man blush, wanting to see red on his cheeks when high fever wasn’t involved, but Q didn’t give him that satisfaction at all.

 

“I appreciate the help and if you wish it so, I will send a note to our esteemed head of MI6, informing her exactly of what you did to save your Quartermaster.” He allowed himself to be guided by careful hands back to his bed where the covers were pulled apart and he turned to start a glaring contest with James, both men silently agreeing that the first to blink or wobble would be the loser.

 

“Might I suggest you convince M to give you boffins another changing room? Unless I am mistaken about both men and women changing at the same time, in the same room and R is, in fact, the most effeminate man I have seen in quite some time.”

 

The quartermaster crossed his hands over his chest and continued to stare, lips twisting into a teasing little smile that he usually reserved for the agents who were still foolish enough to question his mind or his devices and that was great since it meant the man was better than yesterday and James could tease him. “Why are you so obsessed with R, agent? Are you jealous that she’s seen me naked before you?”

 

The dangerous agent suddenly lunged for the unsuspecting and smug young man, tackling into the bed. “To be completely honest, yes.” He ran his finger through Q’s five o’clock shadow, lips hovering over his. “I wonder if her lips touched yours before mine.” It would be so easy to steal it from the man, but Bond wanted Q to be the one to initiate the kiss, so instead he kissed the top of his nose.

 

Q narrowed his eyes and covered his mouth and nose, using his foot to try and push the man away. “And I wonder just how bad your memory got since you keep forgetting that I am sick and that it’s disgusting. I think it’s time for you to retire from the field, Bond.” He moved when James tried to place a kiss on his hand, ending up with the agent’s lips on his earlobe.

 

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and when the Quartermaster gives you his ear, whisper in it and try your best not to nibble too hard on it. “We always end up teasing each other about our respective ages, don’t we?” He tucked a lock of hair behind the man’s ear. ”I don’t actually find anything about you disgusting, Q. Even when you are sick.” He was kicked in the stomach before he could swirl his tongue in the young quartermaster’s ear.

 

“I think it’s time for you to leave, agent.”

 

James grabbed Q’s arm to stop him from rolling out of bed. “You’re still not well enough to take care of yourself, Quartermaster and it is my duty as an MI6 agent to sit by my superior’s side until he is better. Not to mention that I can’t leave a friend alone when he collapsed in my arms the day before.” He really regretted not having his razor with him to offer Q a shave and use that as an excuse to have the man offer his neck and trust to him.

 

“Is that what we are, Bond? Friends?”

 

The question caught James off guard and he moved back from Q to look at his face. “I see us as that, yes. And I had hoped that you saw the relationship between us in the same light. After all, I was quite close to your predecessor.”

 

Q closed his eyes and chuckled. “And I thought I was special. But alas, now knowing that the good old major got this exact treatment from you…”

 

“I never ever shared a bed with that old man, I assure you.” James tapped his fingers against the young man’s forehead until the green eyes were back on him, a little sliver of annoyance present in them. “You’re currently getting the deluxe Bond services packaged, with an option to upgrade to the VIP options.”

 

“I never liked telesales. In fact, those who were too pushy got a very unpleasant surprise from me and…” He broke off into a cough and James was quick to bring him a cup of water and the pills he was supposed to take.

 

After Q was done coughing his lungs out, the agent placed the pills in his mouth and helped him drink them down, pulling the covers back around him. “You’ll threaten me with bankruptcy later, okay?”

 

“You can’t avoid the unavoidable forever, Bond. And don’t think you can use my sickness against me because I will remember everything you said and did even while I was under the influence of the cold medicine,” Q muttered and tried not to yawn to obviously, burrowing under the blanket. He rarely allowed other people around him when he was weak and that was the reason why he had refused to stay in medical or for his uncle or anyone else from his extended family or workplace to live with him until he got better.

 

James started to play with the mop of hair that poked out from under the blanket, ignoring the growling noises that accompanied his petting. “I wrote everything we two need to continue on post-it notes.” He still managed to place a kiss on top of Q’s hair before the young man threw his hand up and hit him in the nose.

 

The next time Q woke up was to Bon arranging countless flower bouquets around his bedroom, stacking little boxes of all types of black tea in a rather large pyramid in the middle of the room. “Your minions miss you,” the man explained without looking away from what he was doing. “They also keep threatening me between get well soon wishes, which is quite amusing and terrifying at the same time.”

 

His aunt appeared from the other room with a soup on a tray, smiling as she looked between Q and James. “Your man is very charming, Quirino, if a little older than you. I don’t understand what your uncle has against him.” She whispered, but the wolfish grin the agent had on his face proved that he had heard everything.

 

Q shook his head, snorting. “He’s practically ancient compared to me, aunt. And we’re simply friends.” He frowned and almost pouted, tapping his chin. “Not to mention that he’s a well-known womanizer, that term also indicating the fact that I am the wrong gender as far as he is concerned.” The soup did not look all that appetizing and Q quickly placed in on the bedside table, hoping to find a way to distract the woman from trying to spoon feed it to him.

 

“Q, darling, try to eat what your aunt made for you. You know i am terrible in the kitchen and you only drank eat and nibbled on toast since yesterday.” He will make the agent pay so hard for doing this to him.

 

His aunt started to giggle, pinching Q’s cheeks and shaking her head at him, silently scolding him from trying to keep his relationship hidden from her. He knew she had nothing against anyone, only carrying that the people she loved found happiness with someone else, no matter their gender.

 

“No, _darling_ , I had no idea you were rubbish in the kitchen since you forcibly moved into my apartment only yesterday.” He tried to push the man off the bed, his aunt quickly excusing herself from his house, claiming that she remembered that she had something very important to take care of. “Wait, you got this all wrong…” He tried, but James put his arm around the woman’s shoulders, leaning her towards the door and consciously nodding at her instructions.

 

After the woman had left, Q slammed shut the door to his room and forbade James from coming in, threatening to electrocute him into the afterlife. He should have kicked the man out of his apartment, but he was sure he would get bored if he wasn’t near him to tease and mock him and leave on his own.

 

The silence that followed the next three hours made him think that and he almost screamed when he tripped over Bond who was camping by his bedroom door. “Still in your wild hair, Quartermaster,” the man said with a huge grin on his face, steadying Q. “Time for your pills.”

 

The agent continued to take care of him for three more days until Q insisted that he was okay and that he had to go to personally check with his branch, because “Yes Bond, MI6 will fall apart if I am not there, especially since your co-conspirator, Alec, has returned from his mission and he’s quite bored when you are not there to go pick up women with him and I actually fear for all of my prototypes.”

 

“I’m driving you there and you are not staying there for more than an hour. And that’s because I am feeling generous," the agent promised and Q was so sure that M would send the older man away and order him to stay at least until the following morning.

 

Only for his dreams to be crushed when the strict woman stared him down and then turned towards the agent who lingered in the doorway with a smirk on his face and ordered him to march the still sickly pale quartermaster back home. "I thought you’d be able to keep him in bed for at least a week, Bond. Take him out of my sight before he gets anyone else sick and keep him away from this place for two more days.”

 

When Q turned to look at the agent, he instantly knew what the man was planning. “Don’t you dare do it, Bond! I you do, I am afraid I shan’t be held responsible for how your weapons malfunction during your next mission,” Q threatened James, trying to scratch and bit the man while the agent easily threw him over his shoulder, both man blind to M’s eye twitching as she watched their antics.

 

“Orders are orders, Q.” At least he had the decency to carry him out through a path that people rarely took, dodging most of the cameras - which Q took a note of and decided to remedy it as soon as he was back in his rightful place at the centre of Q branch.

 

“I hope you get my cold,” Q muttered angrily after James snuck into bed with him, throwing the covers over his head and turning with his back to the man.

 

James leaned over him, pulling the covers away a bit so their noses would touch. “Will you be my nurse if I do?”

 

“I don’t look good in a skirt. Go ask one of your women do play dress up with you.” This sort of teasing had become something more than natural between them and Q couldn’t help but think that he will miss it after James moves back into his apartment. He guessed he was more alone than he thought and that his crush on the agent which he acquired in the most cliché way possible - the first time they met, on a bench in a museum - had gotten considerably bigger.

 

James hummed. “I need to see that to believe it. Did R leave any of her skirts round for you to try on?” The older man didn’t bother to dodge the kick he got from Q, his legs a painting of all sorts of bruises that the man had gotten from his frisky and easily irritated quartermaster.

 

Except this time Q insisted on also pinching James’ nose, forcing the other man to move away from him. “Why would R leave her skirts in my apartment? The relationship I have with her is strictly professional and my life partner would not wear skirts. Well, unless he had a thing for th—Why am i talking to you about this?” He let go of James’ nose and flipped around again, ignoring the fact that he was now staring at James’ bare chest, the man’s arms closing around his back like a trap and pushing him closer towards him.

 

“Because I am an excellent double oh agent who can get everyone to open up to me without a problem.” He ran his hands slowly down Q’s back and his tongue over his ear. “And yes Q, I am trying to seduce you.” James pulled his head up and kissed him, needy blue eyes staring straight into shocked ones.

 

A second passed in what felt like years and Q parted his lips, James’ tongue instantly inviting his mouth, their tongues brushing against each other. There was a battle for dominance which ended with Q slowly closing his eyes first and Bond smirking in his mouth, moving the younger man under him.

 

“Your tongue is softer than one might thing and you taste so sweet for someone who spews poison.” James whispered when the kiss ended, cupping Q’s face softly to better enjoy the slight blush that appeared on his cheeks. “This is one mission that I do not see it as a hassle to accomplish.”

 

Q’s eyes snapped open instantly. “Mission?” He pulled himself away from Bond without a problem and slipped out of bed, the room temperature dropping instantly. “Of course _you_ would see me as nothing more than a mission.”

 

James realized just how big his mistake had been only when it was too late, the tender moment between them long gone. It was understandable why the young man thought he’d be just another notch in the agent’s bedpost, but really, for how smart he was, he should have realized that James wasn’t the kind of person to watch so closely over someone when he wasn’t in the field. “No, Q, you aren’t a mission.” He got up after the man and placed his hands on the slender back only to feel a hot pain travel through his body and sending him into the opposite wall of the room.

 

“You can go home and assure M that I will not break my apparent grounding until I receive a personal phone call from her.” Q cracked his knuckles, tossing a little ring that had smoke coming out from it on the bedside table. “Of course I’d ruin another prototype on you.”

 

“Really bad choice of words on my part and nothing more, Q, I promise. M would never think of using me or anyone else to control you.” James wheezed out and tried to stand up, his legs muscle refusing to work. “I really want to feel you squirm under me…”

 

“I know she isn’t and you never will,” Q interrupted, pulling his laptop from under the bed and instantly starting to type furiously on it.

 

“And hear you call my name and feel your lips on me,” the agent continued, happy when he finally managed to make his toes wiggle. “But I also want to wake up next to you every morning and hear you babble on about a firewall or your latest invention or what a horrible agent I am because I never return the things you slave over.”

 

For a moment, it looked like Q was going to send the laptop flying at James’ head and the agent thanked his lucky stars that the young man currently cared more for this technology than to inflict any sort of damage on him. “I do not babble on about things, I explain them to daft agents who confuse their quartermasters with targets while they are in downtime.” He took a deep breath and counted back from ten, fighting the wave of nausea that washed over him. “You should be able to move now, so get out before I continue to use you as a guinea pig for my other prototypes. I have already decided to have the minion that annoys me the most equip you for all future missions.”

 

But James Bond was never a man to do things the way he was told and instead of heading towards the door, he threw himself into bed and wrapped his arms around Q, pushing the laptop to the ground. “You are not a target or a mission given to me by the head of MI6; you are Q. My precious, stubborn, smart, hot, recovering from a really nasty cold and currently very upset, confused and offended Q.” He took the hand that Q had the ring on and placed a kiss on the burned finger, drawing a small hiss of pain from the man.

 

“I am your quartermaster and nothing more.” He pulled his hand away, but made no attempts to push James off of his lap. “I won’t retaliate, don’t worry. I am not some sort of a petty teenager and sleeping with everything that has a pulse must be coded in your DNA by now, so on the behalf of MI6, accept my apology for that.”

 

James wrapped his hands around Q’s neck and pulled him down, but this time the lips did not part and the green eyes just continued to stare into blue ones. He eventually gave up and moved off of the man’s lap, determined look on his face. “Don’t think I’ll let you live with the misconception that I wanted just sex from you, Quirino.”

 

The man did not look up from his typing and James showed himself out, the door locking behind with a definitive click that only served to annoy the man even more. Of course Tanner was waiting for him downstairs, tapping the Aston Martin’s wheel and looking like he wanted to murder the agent, his MI6 position be damned.

 

“And Q just finished saying he’s not vengeful, how amusing.” James said, leaning over the opened window on the driver’s side.

 

Tanner flashed him a cruel smile, face twisting horribly. “He’s not, really. He is quite thoughtful even of those who don’t deserve it. Asking for MI6 to send a car to give you a ride home and everything. Miss Moneypenny, however…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so very much for all the kudos :)
> 
> Enjoy and please ignore and forgive any and all mistakes.

After taking care of Q, James was sure that the man was indeed interested in him. Because why else would the man accept his little touches and chaste kisses? Why would he tease him in turn? Or maybe the man was naïve enough to believe that was how the agent acted around everyone and only played along.

 

No, definitely not. The more he thought about it, going over the way Q allowed him to touch him and sleep next to him, James was sure that the young man did indeed have a thing for him. Also, Q never had any problem in voicing his dislikes and chastising anyone – be they his own minions or superiors – and refused to play along with anything that he thought to be below him.

 

Now all he had to do was convince the genius that his interest in him exceeded that of a simple one night stand and to do that, he came up with multiple plans – just because Q was a surprise wrapped bombshell wrapped in surprise and boxed in astonishment and James was sure that it would take more than one try to prove his pure-ish intentions.

 

Plan A was the simplest of them and it involved in the agent basically move into Q Branch as soon as its leader was allowed to return there and trail him like a shadow.

 

Many were bothered by his presence there, the most vocal one of them being R herself. And really, with how opposed she was being to him being near the quartermaster, James was starting to suspect the woman of having a crush on _his_ Q.

 

“Better to know where he is, R.” Q said without sparing the man any glance, focusing on the screwdriver. “It will save MI6 a lot of money on paternity tests, STD tests and at least he is not being chased around London by angry husbands, wives or fathers, thus saving us from paying any property damage he might cause in his frantic attempts to escape without being castrated.”

 

James easily sidestepped R and went to lean against Q, planning on wrapping his arms around his waist and planting a kiss on his neck, only for the young man to quickly sidestep him and let the agent bump against the table. “I like married women only when I am on missions. When I am here, I’m only interested in young quartermasters.” He rubbed his knee and tried to move after the man, only to get blocked by R.

 

“Don’t push it, Bond, or I will let R test everything that’s supposed to inflict pain on you.” The woman flashed James a grin, arms crossed over her chest. “And R, don’t antagonize the dangerous double oh agent unless you have a zapper on you.” He pulled the remains of a ring out of his pocket and gave it to her, the woman taking one look at it before nodding and shuffling out the room.

 

The agent smirked and put his hands in his pockets, slowly turning in Q’s direction. “Well, now that we are finally al–Q?” The agent learned that Q could be quite light on his feet when he wanted and he started thinking if there was any way he could put a bell around his neck, only to regret it the moment his pants became tighter because he imagined the young man completely naked sans a collar, kneeling in front of him.

 

In the past, when he had been temporarily shot down by the person he wanted to conquer, he picked up someone and fixed his problem. But right now, going to a bar and picking up a random woman or guy with brown hair and green eyes seemed extremely wrong and uncalled for and he was more than sure that given that he was apparently on bad terms with Lady Luck, Q would find out and request M to have him eliminated - and he was sure that the woman was at her wit’s end with him and she would personally put a bullet through his skull.

 

Of course, there was also the possibility of Tanner or the minions finding out first and if that happened, then all of his credit cards would be rejected and he’d end up being marked as a terrorist that owes the Bank of London a billion pounds. “Still, compared to Q’s look of disgust, that wouldn’t be as bad.” James decided and a random minion slowly started to back away from the room, scared that the double oh agent had finally gone mental and started to talk with himself.

 

Wherever Q turned, Bond was there holding the little tool he needed – that some of the minions that took pity on him and gave into the kicked puppy technique he had learned from Alec – or holding the precious mug of Earl Grey tea.

 

The Quartermaster’s eyebrows shot up and his face adopted that cute insulting look that seemed to say ‘I am surprised you do not have a headache from thinking about the right way to do this simple task’ as he thanked him.

 

But that got him nowhere fast and it even made the young man snap at him a few times because he was holding a tool in a way that could have gotten him hurt – he still cared about his wellbeing, a good sign – was in his way, or didn’t move fast enough which meant that Q had to start all over again.

 

“Agent Bond, in my office,” Q ordered between clenched teeth after the third time he almost dropped something that would have exploded if it touched the ground because he had bumped into the man.

 

“Q, I am only trying to be helpful,” James tried to explain outside of the office, only to be nudged in the back by an angry looking R. The woman was as fiercer in protecting Q and his authority than a lioness was when it came to her cubs.

 

“And you end up being anything but that.” The emotionless mask Q suddenly cracked revealing a tired and exhausted face that indicated he might have needed a few more days off or maybe even a trip on a tropical island somewhere.

 

James would me more than happy to be Q’s private servant, giving him a relaxing massage while oiling him up to protect his porcelain skin from the sun’s harsh rays. Maybe he could even get Q in that state of complete relaxation which would allow him to cover his neck in kisses and bite marks while he removed the swimming trunks from –

 

“Bond! Are you even paying attention to what I am telling you?” Q’s sharp and cold voice cut through his daydream like a samurai sword. “Don’t make me electrocute you again.” He was startled when James threw himself on his knees and carefully took his hands in his.

 

“I don’t want you to get hurt again because of me.” He kissed each finger, running his tongue over the still healing burn mark, noting that Q tasted different. “These delicate fingers are meant to squeeze my trigger and saves lives.”

 

Q pushed James away from him and started to peel his own skin off, or rather gloves that where so thin that the agent had fully missed them. “As I recently learned, you are completely disgusting, Bond. Not to mention wholly stupid and/or suicidal!” He pushed a button and a scared minion instantly walked in the office, probably expecting to have to wrestle the agent off of his overlord. “Get this idiot to medical along with the list of poisons I was currently using. Mention that I had my special gloves on, but ask them to still shove all the antidotes they had in his ass with extra thick needles just to teach him a lesson.”

 

Within thirty minutes, Bond was passed out on one of the cots he hated so much, unsure if he had blood running through his veins or medicine. The only good thing that came from that was waking up to Q quietly reading a book by his bedside, chewing on his lower lip.

 

“If I lick all of your poison covered gloves, will you promise that you’ll be the first thing I see every time I wake up?”

 

Q’s lips twitched and he graced the agent with a smile. “I was expecting something lamer, like a comparison between myself and an angel.” He made James happy once more when he patted his head. “But that line was horrible enough to tell me that you are okay. Please keep your tongue off my body when I am working on things.”

 

“Does that mean that I get to lick you on your time off?” The book that was thrown at his head while Q stormed out ended up being quite an interesting read.

 

Plan B involved James keeping out of Q Branch, but showering the man in all sorts of gifts sent to him via scared boffins. He sent teas, cardigans, sweets and all sort of computer pats that websites advertised as the best in whatever they were supposed to do.

 

When he saw Q enter his office – because yes, double oh agents did have offices that served more as dust traps than anything else – he was dead sure he had made progress again. “Was it the Raspberry Pi that melted your heart and convinced you to give me a second chance?”

 

Two people walked through the door with two large boxes in their hands and Bond reached for his gun by instinct. “Hurt my minions any more than you already did with your stupidity and I will end you.” Q promised and took a step back, allowing his men to spill the contents of the boxes over the agent, grinning when he heard him groan. “Never _ever_ send computer parts that aren’t properly labelled to a branch that builds things from scratch.”

 

“Duly noted, Quartermaster.”

 

Plan C resulted in him being chased all around London by the cops and almost getting sent to jail, his ass being saved at the last moment by Alec. But the agent soon regretted the help since his friend was quite brutal with his jokes.

 

“Don’t tell me you slept with the commissioner’s wife, James.” Alec started, offering James a cold beer and a first aid kit to see to all of the bruises and cuts he sustained while jumping from one building to another.

 

James emptied the bottle in one large gulp. “I was trying to pay Q a visit to return a book to him.”

 

“To my knowledge, you are _persona non grata_ as far as our young Quartermaster is concerned.” Alec pulled out a bottle of scotch from under the sofa and placed it on the table, chuckling. “Maybe this is why you don’t know that he switched apartments while you were in the hospital?”

 

The two agents continued to talk, Alec patiently answering all of James’ questions. He knew that because he was in a relationship with R, but the woman hadn’t shared Q’s new address with him. But it was safe to assume the boffin was in a new shady neighbourhood since all of MI6’s boffins had apartments in them.

 

“Would you, as our enemy, assume that we would allow someone who was important to us live in a place that was constantly crawling with police officers answering to all sorts of calls about break-ins, robberies, assaults and murder attempts?”

 

James thought for a moment and then started to nod seriously. “I am very drunk and even I think that’s a very stupid idea.” He finished and tried to reach for his phone that had been tossed on the table, losing his balance and falling on the ground. “I have a better idea and I’m going to share it with M.”

 

The whole thing was very strange for Alec since it was usually James who dragged his drunken ass to bed if they weren’t both so drunk that they couldn’t remember the reason they turned to alcohol in the first place.

 

Still, the Russian did his best to steer his friend to the guest room, pushing him into bed and throwing the covers over him, taking away his phone just to be sure that he wouldn’t do anything too stupid. “I think it would be for the best if you share this brilliant idea of yours when you wake up.”

 

Before Alec could move away, James grabbed his arm and pulled him into bed next to him, holding him in a headlock. “Don’t you want to know what it is?”

 

Alec struggled for a moment and even though about kicking his friend in the shins and chest a few times, but took pity on the already battered man and relaxed. “Let me guess… You want the head boffin to move in with you and claim you’re his personal bodyguard.” He chuckled at the wide blue eyes that stared back at him. “My friend, I just realized that when you are this wasted, you’re easy to read.”

 

James was gone from the apartment before the early rays of the sun could even reach London and later that very same day, Alec heard from R – who was in tears because of how hard she was laughing – that M had personally drove Bond to a police station where he was promptly dressed in orange overalls, presented with a mop and ordered to clean St. James’ Park.

 

She did, however, swallowed her laughter at her lover’s sour face, sighing as she rolled her eyes. “Okay, I’ll throw your boy a bone just because you really are an irresistible double oh agent.” She motioned him closer, throwing a subtle look around the room as if she was expecting Q to pop out from behind a wall. “That blockhead of a friend of yours is annoying the boss more than anything right now. Doing stupid things like almost dying and then almost blowing the lab up…How is he the best double oh agent we have?”

 

Alec lightly tapped her nose. “Focus, króška. Don’t question’s James’ mysterious ways when it comes to successfully completing his missions. We’ll be up all night discussing those and I had different activities in my mind that wouldn’t allow us to go to sleep until the early hours of the morning.” He kissed her and got his hands slapped when he tried to unhook her bra through her blouse.

 

“It feels like he’s treating Q like a conquest, desperate to get him between his sheets just to be sure he won’t lose face.” She poured herself a glass of vodka which was gone before Alec could drink and slammed the glass down so hard, it cracked. “And treating the boss like a delicate little flower or a woman in front of everyone. Doesn’t he know how much Q fights to prove his worth?”

 

After that and a text conversation between Alec and James led to the Plan D which consisted of James leaving Q alone as much as he could when he was on UK soil and paying extra attention when it came to his equipment, or as the Q Branch minions put it – actually trying to act as a spy for once in his life.

 

That seemed to gain him points with the young man, Q going back to personally fitting him for his missions even if M didn’t order it. He would even greet him with little smiles when James returned from his missions, congratulating him on a job well done without a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

 

He did that for half a year, so long that even R ended up on his side when she was convinced that the agent intended to have an actual relationship with her boss and she had started putting in more than just a few good works with Q on James’ behalf.

 

And then disaster struck. It happened just as the agent was wrapping up a mission, the exact one after which he decided to try his luck at getting Q to have a lunch with him. He’d dropped his gun and realized it only after the ship he was on self-destruct had already been initiated.

 

“Forget the damned gun, agent! Get out of there right now!” Q uncharacteristically screamed in his ear.

 

“I’m sure my darling quartermaster can delay it a minute or two.” He thought he had last felt his gun against his hip in the command room which was already filling with water.

 

“I can’t, really I can’t. I don’t have time to hack into the system.” A frustrated growl followed by something shattering against the ground and James really hoped it wasn’t Q’s beloved scrabble mug. “Jump out a window right now! James, please, for me…”

 

James discovered that the most horrible thing he could hear was Q fearfully and desperately pleading him combined with the sound of a loud explosion from just below him. His lungs were suddenly filled with a mix of salt water and smoke and all he could do was scream in pain when he felt his leg bones being broken, his body engulfed by hot flames. His lost conscious thought was that he had allowed Q to hear his death over the coms.

 

The place he ended up in was empty and dark so he decided that this was his purgatory, whatever divine being that had allowed for life to exist probably having a hard time deciding if he was to go to hell or heaven. Well, most of his sins eventually lead to good things, but it was said that all roads to hell were paved with good intentions so he supposed there was only a matter of time before he would be forced to face all of those he disappointed for an eternity.

 

There was a strange little being sound he heard every now and then and at one point he thought he heard voices speaking in different language, Q’s own cold one rapidly firing long sentences from which he only got ‘ours’, ‘agent’, ’safe’, ’mine’ and his own name. And then there a long silence before a powerful light blinded him completely.

 

He felt like he couldn’t breathe until something was painfully pulled from his throat and he was helped to turn on his side to puke. “Mister Bond, you are safe and everything will be okay. Do not try to struggle because you will pull the IVs out of your arms and possibly reopen your wounds,” one of the women who were helping him tried to reassure him, but this wouldn’t be the first time his enemies lied to him.

 

“James, that’s enough. You’re in the MI6 medical branch and no one here wants you dead for real.” Q’s voice and then Q’s hands on his back, slowly moving in small circles. “You call the doctor and I’ll make sure he doesn’t swallow his tongue or do anything stupid.” Q instructed the nurses before focusing back on his agent.

 

“Q…”

 

Slender fingers rested on his mouth. “Don’t talk just yet, James. You need your strength to grovel for my forgiveness after you get out of here.” He kept his hands on the wounded man as he walked around the bed, revealing tired green eyes with large bags under them and a face so pale that it could easily be confused with the room’s walls.

 

When the doctor came, Q tried to move away but James latched on to his hand as squeezed as hard as he could, trying to get his voice to work good enough to ask the younger man to stay with him. “I’ll stay and protect you from the malefic doctor, but don’t speak or do anything to further damage yourself.”

 

The doctor shined a light in his eyes, checked his heart and then then asked him a few questions, asking him to answer with nods and head shakes. When it came to numbers, Q was quick to lend him his phone for James to write his answers on and the doctor was pleased to inform everyone that the agent’s memory wasn’t affected at all.

 

“He will be fine as usual, I assure you.” The man addressed the quartermaster and James saw the man relax a bit, giving a sigh of relief. “He might need to learn how to walk again, but we will worry about that only after his wounds heal and we cure him of his pneumonia. Oh, speaking of his wounds, they must be starting to act up again, so if I could just…” A few buttons were pushed and the world started to fade away again, the agent suddenly thinking that he was being pulled back into the empty world again.

 

It must have shown in his eyes because Q squeezed James’ hand and fully moved into his line of sight, forcing himself to give him his best reassuring smile. “You simply need to sleep for a bit longer, James. Don’t worry; I promise to be here to scream at you and show you the extent of my wrath when you wake up again.”

 

James drifted in and out of consciousness for a long time and each time it was to the feeling of Q’s delicate fingers entwined with his. Every now and then he opened his eyes to soft brown hair directly next to his face, Q evidently giving up the comfort of his own bed in favour of a plastic chair.

 

“Don’t think I don’t know you practically moved into MI6, Q.” Tanner’s angry whispers weren’t the exact thing he wanted to wake up to. “You will burn out again…”

 

“A good thing they have a bed just for me in Medical then, right?” Q interrupted, sounding more tired than James could imagine. Just how long had the young man been by his side? Did he get enough sleep? Did he crawl back into his personal laboratory to work on his futuristic gadgets?

 

Tanner footsteps drew closer to his bed and James that the sigh that came from Q was caused by the man resting his hands on his shoulders. “Bond has always been reckless, Quirino. He’s a stubborn old fool, set in his ways and hard to handle. Do you know he gave Major Boothroyd an actual heart attack once?”

 

Q’s grip on his hand tightened a bit. “With all due respect to the Major and everything he has done and every agent he had saved, he was old and that was a clear indication that he needed to retire.”

 

“Also, that was not on purpose and I apologized to the good old Major on more than one occasion.” James croaked out and flashed the two men a weak smile, opening his arms as if the young man would greet him the same way all the women he charmed during missions did. “Agent James Bond reporting for duty, Quartermaster. Give me a hug?”

 

Q moved his fingers down his check, scratching the man’s stubble before giving him a light slap. “I’m tempted to give you a concussion to go with everything else you have, Bond.” He smiled when a kiss was placed on the inside of his palm, but snorted when the agent scooted over to make room from him in the bed. “If you ever prioritize the gadgets over your own life, I shan’t even attend your funeral.”

 

“I’d come back as a ghost and comfort you in privacy anyway.” Tanner groaned again and before James could continue saying anything else that was headache inducing, the doctor came in followed by two nurses and started to give the agent a thorough check up.

 

Q excused himself ten minutes later, Tanner instantly by his side, guiding him out of the room and presumably back to his apartment. James wouldn’t see the young man for two weeks after that, but he awoke every morning with a new book and custom made pamphlets that had names like “How not to die like an idiot while on a mission” and “Why agents are considered slightly more important than what the Quartermaster and his minions build”.

 

His least favourite read came from something R made for him which was named “1001 people that would be better suited for my esteemed Overlord”, although he read that one more than three times because he tried to remember the names of all the people he might have to eliminate just in case even one of them got the bright idea to steal Q from him.

 

On the day the doctor reluctantly agreed to send the man home under the strict supervision of two old and straight male nurses, M popped in for a visit. “I do wish you would stay in Medical until you are completely healed, Agent Bond. You caused quite a lot of grievances and worries for certain high ranking officers within MI6.”

 

“And bleed MI6 of its precious funds? I wouldn’t even dream of it.” He nodded his thanks for being helped into the wheelchair to his temporary assistants. “Plus, I can’t seem to find even a single drop of decent alcohol anywhere around here and lovely Hilde simple refused to let me touch the surgical one.”

 

“Remind me to give the poor woman a raise for putting up with you for so long.” She patted her favourite agent’s leg and pushed the wheelchair all the way to the parking lot, causing quite a few people to stop what they were doing and ogle at her. “Do try to get better fast and please do not make these two try to kill you. They are quite good at what they are doing and I don’t think we pay them enough to put up with your mood swings, 007.”

 

The men were quite nice and ended up doing anything James wanted them to do provided he continued to share his many mission adventures – he never gave specific information about what the missions were or the exact location they took place in; just how the women looked and the many things they were good at.

 

“Mister Bond, now you are just pulling our legs. Triplets? That sounds like something pulled out of a—“A knock at the door had both men pull out their guns, motioning for their patient to sit still and be as quiet as he could.

 

“Open the bloody door, this thing is heavy,” Q’s irritated voice came from behind the door and James managed to jump into his wheelchair, the male nurses pocketing their guns and reverted back to their medical profession when they realized just who was at the door.

 

James would later deny that he checked himself out in the mirror one of the men gave him, arranging his hair and pulling a face at his unshaved face. When he was sure that at least his shirt was decent, he opened the door. “Quartermaster, words cannot describe how happy I am to have you in my apartment right now.” He nodded towards the duffel bag the young man had slung over his shoulder. “But I do hope you’re not here to equip me for a new mission since my legs are more than useless right now.

 

“Don’t be your usual daft self, James.” He dropped the bag on the ground and stepped over it, kneeling next to the wounded man. “I’m moving in with you until you get better as a thank you for the way you took care of me when I was sick.”

 

Q was pulled in James’ lap before he could say anything more and the man buried his nose in his neck. “Please just let me hold you like this for a moment,” he muttered and they were suddenly left alone. “ I missed being this close to you and I honestly did not think that I would get back to you outside of a box this time.”

 

The young man sighed and wrapped his arms around James’ neck, massaging it softly with his fingers. “A wheelchair suits your age, you horrible man.” He plucked a strand of hair and moved to look at it, disappointed when it turned out to be blond and not white.

 

“I am not dyeing my hair, if that is what you are thinking.” He slipped his hand under Q’s shirt, fingers ghosting over his spinal cord. “If you decide to be kind enough and help me with a nice hot, long and relaxing bath, you can see for yourself that the colour is the original one.” He nudged Q’s chin with his nose and the man lowered his head a bit, letting their lips brush against each other.

 

“I’ll be in the bathroom just to watch you try to retain your honour while being washed by nurses who aren’t female or dressed in white uniforms that might be two sizes too small for them.” He bit James’ lower lip before he gave him a bruising kiss, moaning in his mouth.

 

James broke the kiss and started to nibble and lick down Q’s neck, the younger man tilting his head back to give him more room, tangling his fingers in his hair. “Don’t start what you can’t finish, James,” he breathed out.

 

“My mouth isn’t in a cast, my little minx.” He moved his fingers to unbutton the sinfully tight pants. “Nor are my hands. I’ll take good care of you, I promise.” James whispered in Q’s ear, sucking in his lobe.

 

An awkward cough got Q jumping out of his lover’s lap and on the other side of the room instantly. “Sorry to ruin your fun, Mister Bond, but we do need to move you back to bed and keep your legs elevated.”

 

The man wheeled him back to his room and James started to smirk at the sight of Q’s duffel bag at the foot of his bed. “We assumed you wanted your companion to sleep in your room with you. But I am sorry to have to remind you that you are not allowed to do anything physical until those casts come off.” The man couldn’t help the laugh that escaped the embarrassed quartermaster and his colleague patted the younger man’s back, assuring him that they knew how to keep their mouths shut and that they wouldn’t be seen or heard unless they were needed.

 

“I think I can come up with something that affects short term memory and they won’t remember seeing the Quartermaster being snogged by a double oh agent,” Q mumbled while digging through his duffel bag, taking out more pieces of technology and laptops than actual clothes. “I decided to work from here on most things.” His face scrunched up and he looked at door. “Although, I guess I am not really needed here so I can—“

 

“No, no. I need you. I need you a lot,” James interrupted, pulling Q on his lap and immediately starting to kiss and nibble on his neck. “Work from right where you are if you want because I will not complain about it at all.” Nimble fingers unzipped Q’s pants, warm tongue circling around his Adam ’s apple. “But do be warned that I will try to be the most pleasant chair you ever sat on so I hope that you don’t need to talk with someone.”

 

Again, their fun was brought to an end by Q’s phone starting to rig and the man moved off of James to start typing on one of his laptop.” Sorry James, it’s urgent. 006 got himself in a pickle again. I can’t say I am surprised that you two are such good friends.” He turned and patted his head, giving him a chaste kiss.

 

“That cock-blocking wanker… If you told R that you were coming here, bet she threatened to withhold sex unless he did something to give you extra work. Remind me to murder him when he gets back,” grumbled James, trying to reach Q’s shoulder to bite it without his moving his legs out of the slings.

 

Q continued to type for the next two hours, calmly listening to James’ promises of hurting his friend and explaining why all of them wouldn’t work. When he was done, he carefully put the laptop down on the ground and turned around to resume using James' stomach as a chair and resume teasing him since he had decided to use that as punishment for all of the nights he wasted worrying about him, only to find the man fast asleep.

 

“Well, I guess the pills they have you on are as powerful as the ones they had given me.” He leaned close and kiss James a few times, cuddling next to him. “I hope we have all the time in the world for this.”

 

“All the time in the world, Q,” James muttered sleepily, wrapping an arm around him and resting his head on top of his. “If your uncle doesn’t kill me first.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lovingly called this story "James' blue balls" for obvious reasons.
> 
> króška - крошка - (feminine gender) - baby, little one, lover

**Author's Note:**

> Quirino - Mars, God of war


End file.
